chelseapoe asked: I think most of what you post is really great but agreeing that its valid to be offended when someone is compared to sex worker is really wrong and completely anti sex worker. Instead of holding the issues that come with mainstream trans porn against the performers you need to research the reality of the porn world and stop holding it against these women. I am not expecting you to get it through this alone but please take what i have to say. Sorry not really a question but still.
The thing is, I don’t see any need to criticize trans women who are in porn just because they do porn. There’s nothing wrong with that (I don’t really agree with the original post’s claim that Bailey “perpetuates the exploitation of transwomen as sex objects” or that trans women in porn are themselves responsible for that; sorry I didn’t clarify this earlier).
Look at all the people who’ve chimed in about all the awesome stuff she specifically does outside of this - I completely agree with them on that. That’s why I haven’t made any counterarguments in the form of “no she’s a completely horrible person and every area of her work is devoid of any value whatsoever”.
But this line of argument is also entirely irrelevant. No one was complimenting the original poster’s podcasts or anything like that. They weren’t saying “wow your podcast is so cool, it totally reminds me of this really great podcast that Bailey Jay does”. (If they’d been bothered by such a compliment, I’d agree they were just being shitty and nitpicky about it.) They were specifically complimenting her appearance, and in the case of complimenting someone by saying they look like a porn star, that connects a lot more closely to porn itself.
Again: The problem isn’t with trans women. The problem isn’t with trans women themselves doing porn. The problem isn’t that porn of trans women exists. The problem is when people - mostly cis people - have only porn of trans women as their entire frame of reference for who we are and what we look like.
It’s totally okay that people look at porn of trans women - but it’s really not okay when they don’t see us anywhere other than that. And having porn of cis women as one’s sole exposure to cis women would lead to the same problems. That was my entire argument.
Compliments based on comparing us to porn stars are just overtly, shamelessly sexualizing toward us - and some of us are, for good reason, personally uncomfortable with that. And when this is practically all we hear in the way of compliments, it means we’re hearing, over and over from people, “oh yeah I watch porn of people like you, you’re looking pretty good”.
At best, it’s unnecessary information; at worst, it’s flat-out creepy. Would they say that to a cis woman? Yeah, I bet some people do. And when they do, it’s quite plainly really uncomfortable and creepy. Because yes, cis women are in porn, but cis women are more than that.
So: I don’t want less porn of trans women. I want more of trans women in everything else. And I don’t take issue with the trans women who are in porn (modulo any personal issues between me and certain individuals). I take issue with the people - again, mostly cis people - who’ve received the majority of their exposure to us through porn alone, and talk about all of us from that perspective.
just because someone does porn that doesn’t mean it defines them, thus saying you look like janet mock isn’t say you look like a mainstream trans porn star (she shot for shemaleyum little known fact) but her as a person. Just because Bailey Jay does porn doesn’t mean looking like her is sexual in anyway nor is her outside of scenes sexual. The same mindset you have about this is no different than right wingers who were upset about Sasha Grey being involved with a reading program at a school. What I really found offensive is that you only viewed Bailey Jay as a porn performer and not a person. I rarely get upset about posts on tumblr but this has really upset me as a sex worker.
This really bothers me too, because what was said was *not* “You look like a porn star,” but “You look like [so and so]” who happens to be known as a porn performer. I take it personally because I wonder if that means that comparing people to me is off limits now. Do you think it would be offensive if someone said “You look like Tobi Hill-Meyer”? From this line of thinking, I would guess so. It’s weird that others would take offense at being associated with me (or others like me) seems like a problem. Damn right I’m going to have to take that personally.
The only comparison I have like the situation where a a cis woman is compared to a particular trans woman and takes offense. It’s rooted in the sense that looking like a trans woman is an insult, and not wanting to be associated with the negative associations people have with trans women. I mean, I get it. The world has a lot of negative associations of porn stars and you don’t want their ick on you. That’s real. But that’s not what solidarity looks like.
Additionally, how many trans women have been in sex work of some kind? How many of our role models (or possibility models) have? Would you be insulted for someone to say you remind them of Sylvia Rivera? Of Candy Darling? Of Janet Mock? Do we have to purge all sex workers from our potential associations or comparisons.
Let’s remember that the original post did not say “They way you fuck is a lot like _____.” The did not say “They way you look really turns me on like _____.” They just compared style of dress and personality. If you think that’s inherently sexualizing, that’s because *you* are sexualizing all women who have done sex work inherently. And that’s on you, and no one else.
I held off for a while because I wasn’t sure how to respond to this, but I feel like I have a better sense of things now.
When you say that we as trans women are actually the ones who are doing the sexualizing if we dislike being compared to porn performers, you’re putting that entirely on us and seemingly just ignoring that other people - the ones making such comparisons - may still be sexualizing us.
It sounds exactly like the frustratingly common argument that we or other marginalized groups must be “choosing to be offended”, and that somehow, obvious insults directed at us would just cease to be a problem if we didn’t “let it” bother us. This is an argument that says that the problem is solely our own feelings, while exempting the other party’s intentions and actions from any scrutiny or blame.
Everyone can pretty much see through that argument, because it clearly ignores what’s really going on. Merely “choosing” not to be offended when someone hurls slurs at us will do nothing to change the fact of how they feel about us. It won’t change the fact that such attitudes still exist and still affect us. No amount of choosing not to “let it” bother us will be enough to undo discrimination, inequality, violence, and everything else we face from a pervasively hostile society. “Choosing not to be offended” doesn’t actually make anything go away.
The same goes for this. If a cis person is, in fact, sexualizing a trans woman when they compare her appearance to that of a porn performer, this attitude and intent and action on their part is not actually the responsibility of the trans woman who’s being subjected to these remarks. They exist within the person making the remarks - regardless of how that trans woman might respond to it.
So, even if that trans woman does take a stance of “well, being bothered by that would mean I’m sexualizing sex workers for their sex work, and that would be offensive so I don’t wanna do that”, that would still do nothing to change the fact that someone else was indeed choosing to sexualize her in the first place. Our response doesn’t magically change someone else’s intent. Intra-community arguments about how we as trans women should respond to things like this, also don’t magically change someone else’s intent. If they’re sexualizing us, then they’re sexualizing us, and that’s not a matter of how we choose to interpret it.
And honestly, telling other trans women they’re the ones doing something wrong for taking exception to how cis people treat them? That doesn’t look very much like solidarity, either.
Imagine being an erotica writer, with your favorite character supporting your profession. You’re in a slump, trying to think up some fresh content, and your favorite character volunteers to completely submit to you so that you can get some new ideas. Two hours later, they’re fucked-out on the bed, breathless and shaking and covered in their own cum, barely having enough coherence to moan out your name… But you’re still not quite done with your “research” yet.
Anonymous asked: Do you has piercings?
One piercing in each earlobe.
wallstare asked: Would you ever consider nipple piercings?
It’s not something I’m particularly interested in right now, but I might be open to it in the future.
Anonymous asked: do you still believe that there's no god?
No, I’ve kind of branched out and now I don’t believe that there are any gods.
Anonymous asked: can your next review be that vibrating one from that gif?
I think that was actually an Aneros rather than a vibrator. I’ll consider it. Anyone with experience who can chime in on this?