So I had this pretty ridiculous dream that was just very me. For some reason, me and three other random friends (they didn’t have specific identities, I just knew they were friends of some sort, probably from the internet) were touring an Army base. At some point during this, the tour guide left to attend to something more urgent, and we were just standing there next to… the room where they keep all the nuclear weapons.
The room where they keep all the nukes was about the size and configuration of a wooden storage shed, with a lone lightbulb hanging on a string from the ceiling, and a dusty wood floor. Also, all the nukes were just these little olive-green metal lunchboxes, stacked up around the room.
So of course the first thought that my friends and I have is, ha ha, what if we stole one of the nukes? I mean, no one’s watching, and they’re all just right there. It would be so easy! Anyway, this escalated to one of us actually grabbing one of the little nukes, and they stashed it in their purse. And we just walked off with it, because we could.
Eventually, some time later, the excitement of it wore off and we realized that, oh, we did just steal a nuclear weapon from the Army. And probably everyone in the world is about to come after us with overwhelming firepower. But what were we supposed to do? Just sit around and wait to get caught? Return it to them voluntarily and admit we stole it and probably go to prison forever?
So we dashed all around to every corner of the country, never stopping in one place for long enough for anyone to catch us. The feeling of fear at getting caught with it, and generally just not knowing what to do about the situation we’d unwisely gotten ourselves into in a moment of impulsive decisions, was strong. It was night, and raining, this entire time.
Anyway, eventually a huge mass of cops did catch up to us, by literally popping up out of secret compartments in the roads that we didn’t even know were there. Through some twist, one or two of the people I was with were assumed to be responsible for it, and everyone just assumed I was the good person who was helping to lead the authorities to the people who stole a nuke. So I pretty much got off scott-free in the end.
I don’t know what the hell with my dreams. But stealing nukes as a proof of concept, and then getting in over their heads, definitely seems like something that some of my friends might get themselves into.
I actually do kind of want to see a newspaper use that “transitioned from -old name- to -new name-” trope on me. Just so everyone can try and fail at figuring out exactly what “She transitioned from Zinnia to Lauren…” means.
As it should be.
On Leah Libresco
On every incarnation of this blog, I’ve had trouble with one thing I’d really like to grow better at - covering stories. Events which are super relevant to the topics at hand go completely unnoticed, or receive a half-assed summary days after everyone gets done talking about them.
However, I’ve managed, thanks to a particularly vile FTB, which has unfortunately been popping up in #religion, to stay informed on a big story in internet atheism. Leah Libresco, former blogger for the Patheos Atheist channel, converted to Catholicism recently. And of course, the atheist community being the friendly place it is, she was welcomed with open arms. Hah.
Fuck you. Damn straight, this is an angry post, and it’s completely justified.
My name has two I’s. I know not many people are named Zinnia, but there are probably even fewer named Zinna.
One more question for bugbrennan, gaynotqueer, hedonisticparadise et al.
My cis lesbian partner wants to know: If I’m a pretend lesbian, is she also a pretend lesbian? We’re still trying to figure all this out.